Love... SWEET love...
Greetings, people of the internet... I hope you are all doing well and living syphilis free. If not, bummer, dude. :( ...oh, and put some cream on that shit.
Anyhoo, I'm here to tell you about how I'm in love again. Yes, me! IN LOVE!!!!!! Can you believe it? Don't get it twisted though... I'm not in love with a stripper or hookers and cocaine. (You know, since I'm not T-Pain or Charlie Sheen.) I am in love with... *drum roll please* brrrrrr brrrrr brrrrr <--- HA! That was a sorry attempt at typing sound, it makes it seem like I'm cold. ...ok, where was I? Oh, I was about to tell you what I love. Ok, here Goes... I'm in love with................... MASTURBA.... Hey, what the hell?!? I don't know where that came from. My mind was thinking COFFEE while my hands were thinking Masturbation. Sneaky hands, how dare you? ...but yes, Coffee. I'm In love with COFFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! COFFEE COFFEE COFFEE COFFEE COFFEE COFFEE COFFEE!!!!!!
(Whoa, apparently I drank a little too much today. Maybe I shouldn't have had that energy coffee... Oh well, it'll all squirt out of my asshole pretty soon. ^_^)
Yes, today a lost love made it's way back into my life. I had forgotten how much I love coffee... I forgot how good it makes me feel... I wouldn't have remembered had I not been up at 4:45 am. Don't get me wrong, I'm usually up at that time to get ready to go to the fight club before work, but today I was just awake, for no reason, with no energy. (Yes, I said fight club... This beautiful face of mine gets punched from time to time... And not only on the dance floor when I grope random asses or in the bedroom during rough sex. ...but you'll read those stories in future drunken blogs.)
...anyway, on the way to work I decided to stop at Circle K to get something to wake me up. Sadly the homeless lady that gives $1.50 BJs doesn't live behind the dumpster anymore, so I had no other choice but to go inside. I walked in and stood there looking at the energy drinks... I don't usually drink those because they make me jittery and give me massive erections, but I was willing to drink one just so I could be fully awake. That's when I smelled something... It was coffee. It smelled so delicious that I literally hovered, as if I were Chris Angel or something, to the Coffee Corner. Once there I grabbed two 24 oz cups, filled them half with coffee and half with sugar (Diabetes doesn't scare me!), paid, then headed to work.
When I arrived at the office I came in, sat down, logged into porn hub, then had a sip of my coffee... OMFG!!!!!! IT was like God busted a creamy french vanilla nut in my mouth! I think I came a little... Who knew gas station coffee could be so tasty? I didn't. It didn't even matter that the coffee was scalding hot... I stabbed a hole in the side of that cup and shotgunned that shit. Who's afraid of 2nd degree mouth burns? Not I!! Haha! I'll simply cool my mouth down with some chocolate milk. Dang, chocolate milk and coffee? I feel sorry for the dude that sits near the restroom. There will be a lot of toilet terrorism today. I hope he brought headphones... :)
...that is all
Anyhoo, I'm here to tell you about how I'm in love again. Yes, me! IN LOVE!!!!!! Can you believe it? Don't get it twisted though... I'm not in love with a stripper or hookers and cocaine. (You know, since I'm not T-Pain or Charlie Sheen.) I am in love with... *drum roll please* brrrrrr brrrrr brrrrr <--- HA! That was a sorry attempt at typing sound, it makes it seem like I'm cold. ...ok, where was I? Oh, I was about to tell you what I love. Ok, here Goes... I'm in love with................... MASTURBA.... Hey, what the hell?!? I don't know where that came from. My mind was thinking COFFEE while my hands were thinking Masturbation. Sneaky hands, how dare you? ...but yes, Coffee. I'm In love with COFFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! COFFEE COFFEE COFFEE COFFEE COFFEE COFFEE COFFEE!!!!!!
(Whoa, apparently I drank a little too much today. Maybe I shouldn't have had that energy coffee... Oh well, it'll all squirt out of my asshole pretty soon. ^_^)
Yes, today a lost love made it's way back into my life. I had forgotten how much I love coffee... I forgot how good it makes me feel... I wouldn't have remembered had I not been up at 4:45 am. Don't get me wrong, I'm usually up at that time to get ready to go to the fight club before work, but today I was just awake, for no reason, with no energy. (Yes, I said fight club... This beautiful face of mine gets punched from time to time... And not only on the dance floor when I grope random asses or in the bedroom during rough sex. ...but you'll read those stories in future drunken blogs.)
...anyway, on the way to work I decided to stop at Circle K to get something to wake me up. Sadly the homeless lady that gives $1.50 BJs doesn't live behind the dumpster anymore, so I had no other choice but to go inside. I walked in and stood there looking at the energy drinks... I don't usually drink those because they make me jittery and give me massive erections, but I was willing to drink one just so I could be fully awake. That's when I smelled something... It was coffee. It smelled so delicious that I literally hovered, as if I were Chris Angel or something, to the Coffee Corner. Once there I grabbed two 24 oz cups, filled them half with coffee and half with sugar (Diabetes doesn't scare me!), paid, then headed to work.
When I arrived at the office I came in, sat down, logged into porn hub, then had a sip of my coffee... OMFG!!!!!! IT was like God busted a creamy french vanilla nut in my mouth! I think I came a little... Who knew gas station coffee could be so tasty? I didn't. It didn't even matter that the coffee was scalding hot... I stabbed a hole in the side of that cup and shotgunned that shit. Who's afraid of 2nd degree mouth burns? Not I!! Haha! I'll simply cool my mouth down with some chocolate milk. Dang, chocolate milk and coffee? I feel sorry for the dude that sits near the restroom. There will be a lot of toilet terrorism today. I hope he brought headphones... :)
...that is all
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