The greatest news you'll receive today...

Guess who's back in the Mother F*****G house... with a fat BLOG for your Mother F*****G eyeballs? That's right! I am back! So crack open the Champagne and order some hookers, let's get it poppin' in this (word for female dog). I know you've missed me... If not, screw you in the arse with a dildo made from cactus. Yeah I said it. :)

If you didn't know, I kind of took a little break (which consisted of a few years) from blogging ...but I'm back! Well, not back, per se... it's more of an attempt. I'm not sure if my brain still functions properly. (I'm a little rusty.) You may not be aware of this, but I was once a "funny mother fucker" (I know right? Me? Funny? It's hard to believe.) back in the Myspace days. Anyhoo, now it's time for me to crack my knuckles and dust off this little old brain of mine. Bare with me, (...wait! Did I just invite you to get naked with me? Let me try that again.) Bear with me, it may take some time for me to reach my full potential.

Get ready for awesomeness!!!!! Ha... JK, I lie... Get ready for Mediocrity!!!

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